Jacob fell in a hole
by Stargirlrox
Summary: Jacob falls in a hole. Hilarity ensues. Written by my friend and I over emails.
1. Chapter 1

Hey!! Sorry I haven't updated my other stuff.

I wrote this with Jacob's Imprinted (My future Beta) over about 50 emails. The italics are her, and the normal is me.

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_Jacob Black fell in a hole._

He was following (Stalking) Bella when suddenly the ground opened up and he fell into a ten-foot hole.

_He was deeply shocked, and promptly fainted_.

Later that day, Edward was hunting, and came across the hole.

_He fell into it and on top of Jacob (don't let your mind wander; it's not like that... Sicko.)_

Jacob yelled, and Edward jumped back out while laughing at Jacob's predicament.

_Then Jacob realized getting out of the hole would be easier if he was a werewolf._

So he phased, and tried to jump out.

_But he got stuck, because the hole was too small._

It was at that moment that he thought 'Damn. I shouldn't have had those 20 pieces of pie last night'.

_Then Edward laughed and Jacob jumped because he had forgotten he was there._

Finally, Jacob remembered that he had Vaseline in his pocket (IDK why), and greased himself up.

_Then he lubed himself up and squiggled out._

Edward fell to the ground laughing, and Jacob realized his pants were still in the hole.

_So he went werewolf again and found Renesmee hiding in a bush._

And, forgetting he didn't have any pants, Jacob phased back right in front of her.

_And Renesmee giggled, then pointed out to him that now was a perfect opportunity for hot, steamy sex, seeing as how she had conveniently forgotten any clothes as well, ergo, the bush._

Jacob agreed, and they proceeded to have hot, steamy sex, at least until Edward walked past.

_Then Edward proceeded to shoot Jacob with a BB gun, so he wouldn't have to be too near their thoughts._

Renesmee, after seeing what her father had done, screamed at him that she was an adult, and that she could do this kind of thing.

_Then Renesmee proceeded to throw sticks at Edward_.

Just then, Bella appeared, and wondered to herself what the hell was going on.

_Then she decided that she did not care and dragged Edward off to the cabin to... enjoy the paneling._

Renesmee and Jacob just shrugged, and continued with their... activities.

_They then wondered if half-vampires could get pregnant._

So they bought a home-pregnancy tester kit.

_But they didn't know how to use it, so they went ask Bella, but she was still... Examining the paneling in the cabin with Edward._

And then she and Jacob were scarred for life.

_But then they found the instructions on the box, so Renesmee peed on a stick... And the + was seen._

So then she and Jacob wondered what the baby would look like.

_They decided to ask Carlisle, because he was old and smartical._

Jacob decided that it would look like a unicorn.

_Renesme went with the logical route and thought it would be an albino werewolf. That drank blood._

She worried that it would be teased by the other werewolf kids, though.

_And then her stomach exploded outward, so it resembled a nine-month-prego-belly._

Jacob fainted (again) and fell backwards into the hole he'd fallen into earlier.

_And when he woke up three days later, there was a tiny werewolf._

And Jacob wanted to name him Luke.

_But Renesme told Jacob he was being dumb and that he watched to much Star Wars and named him Esarosa, which meant 'White Wolf' in Native American._

And Jacob went off to sulk, and ran into Bella and Edward's cabin.

_And they threw pinecones at him to get him to leave._

One of the pinecones strayed too low, and hit his groin.

_So he decided to never return to the cabin. Ever. Again._

Meanwhile... Renesmee took Esarosa to the other Quileutes so he could learn about his heritage.

_But they wouldn't allow her past the boundary because of her vamp parents._

She told them that it was a stupid excuse, and she ran past them.

_And since she was super fast, she made it to Billy's house._

Once she was there, she ran up into Jacob's room, and hid in his dirty laundry bin, which smelled like feet.

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**Okay, what do you guys think? Weird or not? Should we write more randomness? WE NEED FEEDBACK!!**

**We're like review vampires. We live off only reviews. Let us live. Review.**


	2. What? These need names?

Yay! It's the second chapter- FINALLY- of Jacob black fell in a hole!! I'm sorry this took so long!! We- Jacob's Imprinted and I- wrote the chapter about a month ago, over the phone, and… I lost it. (Audience: BOOOO!!!) But… during the time I was supposed to be doing my homework, I wrote as much of it down as I could. It isn't NEARLY as good, or funny, as the original, but hopefully it's good enough to not get a bunch of hate mail. Oh well! On with the show!

Also, I changed my name. While it used to be Stargirlrox-hearts-Avatar, it is now stargirl-luvs-Twilight. I didn't want any confusion going about.

I'd like to make a shout-out to all my reviewers!

**Bex231**

**Kyasarin-freakload**

**TheVampireWithTheGoldenEyes**

**Jacob's Imprinted**

I know it's a miniscule amount, but I don't care! Sorry if I forgot your name! Remembering reviews is tough work! I literally have tons of schtuff from Fanfiction, and it takes a while to sort through!

**Luv u all!**

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When Renesmee came out of the laundry basket (She couldn't stand the old feet smell any longer), she was greeted by a confused Billy.

He asked her what she was doing in there, and she told him she was hiding from Sam.

Just as she said that, Sam walked into the room.

And Esarosa poked his head out, causing Sam to scream like a little girl and run out.

Renesmee thought her day just couldn't get any weirder.

And then Jacob danced out of the closet naked yelling 'Happy New Years!!' while jumping around.

Renesmee just threw a pair of pants at his head.

_Meanwhile… Back at the Cullen House…_

Emmett was playing a game of Wii Sport on, you guessed it, his PS. (**Sorry, Jacob's Imprinted, I couldn't help it!!)**

He lost.

Emmett got SO mad that he threw his controller at the screen, causing it to smash into millions of pieces, and even those pieces broke in two.

Now, he got nored, so he went to find Rosalie.

And they had hot, steamy sex.

Sadly for them, Edward and Bella were in the next room, and heard everything.

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**Mmkay. What do you think of this chapter that wouldn't have been like this if I wasn't a klutzy dumbass. And probably, after I post this, I'll find it… Oh well.**

**Jacob's Imprinted? I'm expecting a scathing letter from you, but I'll die perfectly happy without one.**

**Don't forget- REVIEW!!!**


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